SOCIAL EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT OF STUDENTS WITH CHILDREN OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE AT PONDOK PESANTREN METAL REJOSO PASURUAN

ABSTRACT


INTRODUCTION
Every child born has abilities or potentials that have been possessed since birth that need to be developed, so that their talents are able to help their own survival. The development of children's talents will be maximized if supported by parents. The role of parents is very important and as the main key to their success. Parents, especially a mother, have a big role to play in the formation of children's social emotional patterns and patterns of children's education in the future. The psychological climate and especially the specifics of family relationships play an important role in shaping a child's personality. Moreover, parental interrelationships in the family, parent-child relationships in the family continue to exercise influence throughout childhood and then into one's adult life. According (Crawford, 2020;Scarpa & Trickett, 2022), a child in his development process is first directly influenced by his family environment. The role of the mother is very dominant in caring for and educating toddlers so that they grow and develop into quality children. Therefore, according to them, the most interesting aspect in studying the role of parent-child interaction is the role of parents. (Muali & Fatmawati, 2022) mention the functional role of parents as a social function of family members towards a child, which corresponds to family life, the family's adopted code of conduct, traditions, and established interpersonal relationships. According to Vasilyeva in (Masita & Noor, 2022) it is said that the "mother / father" structure has 20 functional parental roles, creating a technique for determining the role structure of parent-child interaction, which has been used in her research.
If parents do not pay attention to the child's condition, they will experience something different and find it difficult to accept the environment (Lestari dkk., 2021). Furthermore, it will affect the child's behavior until he grows up. That is why the role of parents is needed to detect emotional problems in children as early as possible. Another reason that the child's social emotional development must be guarded is because first, it helps children get to know the environment, start socializing, make friends. Second, helping children become more independent when their parents leave them, and adapt to their theme. Third, recognizing children's feelings when they are angry we suppress them, when we are sad we divert to a more positive one, we can place happy and sad moments. Fourth, helping children solve problems by teaching children to apologize, thank you, and explaining problems. Fifth, teach children to express themselves by teaching children to behave in front of people, talk to people, tell stories, and trust them.
From this explanation it can be seen that the social emotionality of children will be formed from the interaction between parents and children as well as parenting patterns. This can have an impact on forming a good social emotional. Thus, the child will understand the pattern of rules and punishments for each action taken. So it can be concluded that the social emotional potential of children who are stable from childhood will continue into adulthood. As said by (Justicia, 2017) that emotional and social competence presents a relatively stable pattern over time, from preschool age to adolescence. Hurlock argues that social development is the acquisition of the ability to behave in accordance with social demands. "Socialization is the ability to behave in accordance with social norms, values or expectations".
based on a series of the importance of the role of parents in paying attention to the social development of children, what if the parents are not there? If orphans still have relatives, uncles, aunts and others. but for those who don't know who his father and mother are? That is, the child resulting from free sex, his biological father disappeared somewhere, so the mother gave birth and left the child on the streets or anywhere else? Some of them put it in front of the Rejoso Pasuruan Metal boarding school. This is where the researcher's interest in researching is how the social emotional development of children out of wedlock at the Pondok Pesantren Metal Rejoso Pasuruan. Human development can be seen from two aspects, namely first, the biological aspect where food, drink and protection have turned a baby into a physically mature human being; second, the social aspect where the experience and influence of other humans have turned children into social individuals, responsible members of society.
Social development as a manifestation of the development of human social aspects takes place through a process of social learning or the so-called process of socialization, and the process of forming social loyalties. Both processes run simultaneously and intertwined with each other. This means that success in the socialization process will be accompanied by the emergence of social loyalty. The notion of social development put forward by experts, among others, is that according to Horton in (Indy, 2019;Irwan dkk., 2022) the process of socialization is a process of learning a learning process by which a person internalizes (ingrains -internalizes) the norms of the group in which he lives so that a unique self arises. In line with Horton's opinion, GH. Mead saw that in the process of socialization individuals adopt habits, attitudes and ideas from others and rearrange them as a system within themselves. Whereas Loree views socialization as a process in which individuals (especially children) train their sensitivity to social stimuli, especially the pressures and demands of life (their group), learn to get along and behave like other people in their socio-cultural environment.
Thus socialization is a learning process, in which individuals learn behaviors, habits and cultural patterns as well as other social skills such as language, socializing, dressing, how to eat and so on. As soon as the individual realizes that outside of himself there are other people, then he also begins to realize that he must learn what he should do as expected by others. Consciously, individuals begin to learn what is taught by parents, siblings and other family members, as well as by teachers at school and other adults. Unknowingly, individuals also learn by obtaining incidental information through various situations from observing the behavior of other individuals, from various readings, TV shows, hearing conversations, absorbing environmental habits and so on.
According to (Hurlock, 2011), Social Development means "The acquisition of the ability to behave in accordance with social demands. Becoming a socialized person requires three processes. Among them are learning socially acceptable behavior, playing acceptable social roles, and the development of social traits. Hurlock said a child is said to have good social development, if he meets the following development criteria, (a) Through overt performance shown by the child in accordance with the norms prevailing in his group. (b) If the child is can adapt to any group it enters. (c) In good adjustment, the child shows a pleasant attitude towards other people, wants to participate and can carry out his role well as a member of his group. (d) There is a feeling of satisfaction and happiness because they can take part in group activities or in relationships with friends or adults.
Thus, because patterns of social, non-social or anti-social behavior are fostered in early childhood or the formation period, early social experiences are crucial when children become adults. The many experiences of happiness encourage the child to seek out such experiences again and to become a social person. Conversely, an abundance of unpleasant experiences leads to unhealthy attitudes toward social experiences and toward people in general. Too many unpleasant experiences also encourage children to become un-social and anti-social. (Wells dkk., 2013) also explained that the family's contribution to children's social development is as follows: 1. Feelings of security because they are members of a stable group, 2. People who can be relied on to meet their needs, 3. A source of affection and acceptance, which is not affected by what is they do, 4. Approved behavior models for learning to be social, 5. Guidance in the development of socially approved behavior patterns, 6. People who can be expected for assistance in solving problems faced by each child in adjustment to life. 7. Guidance and assistance in learning the motor, verbal and social skills needed for adjustment. 8. Stimulating the ability to achieve success after school and in social life, 9. Assistance in setting aspirations according to interests and abilities. 10. Source of friendship until they are old enough to make friends outside the home or when outside friends are not available. (Nur Djazifah, 2007) also explained the meaning of Social Development in child development as follows: a. Social development has a development focus on Social skills and Socialization b. Main goal: So that children can develop successful patterns of social interaction as well as social values and self-control (internal control) c. Specific Objectives: So that children have the opportunity to: 1. Develop playing skills; 2. Develop friendship skills; 3. Learn how to negotiate conflicts in a democratic way; 4. Develop empathy for others; 5. Become aware of the similarities and differences in opinions, viewpoints and attitudes; 6. Seeing adults as a source of satisfaction, approval and example/modeling; 7. Learn how to control anti-social urges; 8. Learn how to slow down complacency; 9. Learn how to adjust reasonable boundaries in terms of behavior, play space, use of materials or types of activities in which they are involved; 10. identify the reasons for the rules in the group; 11. learn how to be cooperative (work with others to achieve the same goal); 12. Learn how to be helpful (sharing information or materials, providing physical assistance, providing moral support); 13. Distinguishing between acceptable and unacceptable behavior within the group; 14. Using their knowledge of appropriate behavior in one situation to determine the appropriate way in another; 15. Develop awareness and care to do right and be good to others; 16. Learn to approve behaviors related to existing social cultures; 17. Develop an appreciation or appreciation for the composition of the family, traditions, values, ethnic background and culture of others; 18. Develop a feeling of responsibility towards the environment. Social development of children also has a certain pattern, that is, an orderly sequence of social behavior, and this pattern is the same for all children in a cultural group. Normally all children go through some stages of socialization at about the same age. Lack of opportunities for good social relations and social learning experiences (socialization) will slow down normal social development.
Thus, children through the family will learn to develop their abilities and listen to everything that happens in the family. Parents and other family members have a role in the formation of selfconcept, as role models or imitation figures (models) for children, and stimulators of children's growth and development. In order for children to achieve optimal social development, stimulation through effective interaction-communication is needed, where parents must apply parenting styles that are in accordance with the conditions and needs of the child. Based on the description above, this research has 2 main objectives that will be answered by informants who have competence in the daily life of the child, namely the kyai and ustad at the metal rejoso Islamic boarding school. The research objectives are as follows: How is the daily life of children born out of wedlock at the Metal Rejoso boarding school. How is the social emotional development of children born out of wedlock at the Metal Rejoso Islamic Boarding School.

METHODS
This study uses a psychological approach, namely understanding Islamic studies from a psychological perspective. The Islamic study in question is to discuss how the social emotional development of children out of wedlock at the Rejoso Pondok Pesantren Metal, Pasuruan. In understanding the phenomenon mentioned above, researchers also use the phenomenological approach of (Nindito, 2005) who is able to translate phenomenology into sociology, especially in religious studies. Schutz's efforts in phenomenological studies emphasize that awareness and interaction are mutually reinforcing. (Feng dkk., 2021) also said that every individual interacts with the world with "knowledge provisions" consisting of "general" constructs and categories which are basically social. (Tada, 2019) social phenomenology to focus on social science that is able to "interpret and explain human action and behavior" by describing basic structures. It means an interpretive that focuses on everyday subjective meanings and experiences, which aims to explain how objects and experiences are meaningfully created and communicated in everyday life.
This study uses qualitative research, namely research that produces descriptive data written or spoken words as well as interpretations of the behavior studied or the overall research conditions (Hanson dkk., 2005). Qualitative research will explain the social emotional development of children out of wedlock at the Metal Rejoso Pasuruan Islamic Boarding School. The subjects of this study were kiai, religious teachers, and students at the Metal Rejoso Pasuruan Islamic boarding school. The data collection procedure, in phenomenological research, is to conduct in-depth interviews with individuals who experience the same phenomenon. In addition, observation and documentation are also important data collection procedures in phenomenological research.
The method of extracting data in this study uses the first method of in-depth interviews. The interviews were used in this study to explain the social emotional development of children out of wedlock at the Pondok Pesantren Metal Rejoso Pasuruan. Second, group discussions were used especially when several informants preferred to be interviewed together so they could complement or correct each other. Group discussion is a data collection technique from several informants (who have shared experience) in an activity on the social emotional development of children out of wedlock at the Pondok Pesantren Metal Rejoso Pasuruan. Furthermore, data mining by observation. Researchers observe directly to get the meaning of events and symbols as well as the behavior of informants with a real understanding. The type of observation that the researcher chose was the participant observer model, because of the author's observations on issues regarding the social emotional development of children out of wedlock at the Rejoso Pondok Pesantren Metal, Pasuruan. The data analysis procedure in phenomenological research goes through the first steps, Horizontalization, namely highlighting the important statements contained in the interview transcript. This step is done to gain an understanding of how participants experience a phenomenon. Second, Developing clusters of meaning, namely gathering important statements into the same themes. Third, textural description, which describes the participant's experience of a phenomenon. Fourth, Structural description, which describes the situation or context that influences participants in experiencing a phenomenon. Fifth, Essentialization, which is writing a report in the form of the essence of the participant's experience of a phenomenon based on a textural and structural description.
The research data obtained still allows for weaknesses, therefore to ensure the objectivity of the validity of the research data it is necessary to have a data validity strategy, one of which according to John W. Cresswell is triangulation. The triangulation technique is to see the validity of the data found from sources used as comparison material. Triangulation in this study uses source triangulation techniques. In source triangulation, researchers do it in the following way, namely first, comparing the results of field observations with interview data. For example, we matched the description of the kiai with the data from the ustad's interview. Second, from observation with documentation.

RESULTS AND DISCUSSION
The Moeslim Al-Hidaya Pondok Pesantren Metal, located in Rejoso Lor Pasuruan Village, was established in 1992 and continues to grow today. Moeslim Al Hidayat's Pondok Pesantren Metal is very different from the usual Islamic boarding schools. This pesantren specifically accommodates troubled students, from crazy people, drug victims, to premarital pregnant women. Metal here does not mean rock music, but stands for Reading or Memorizing the Koran. Its founder is KH Abu Bakar Kholil. Santri in 1992 around 300 students (150 students and 150 female students). The residence of the students next to the Al-Hidayah prayer room was named "Cafe Metal", this metal cafe was named by the kyai himself. Cafe Metal also provides coffee but not for sale, only for guests who want to visit the cottage. Guests are usually placed in metal cafes. Finally, the number of those who recited the Koran at the Pondok Pesantren Metal began to increase. So that the metal cafe does not fit to accommodate the female students. KH Abu Bakar Khalil accepted students who had problems with mental disorders, the students were handled by the kiai for three weeks, the students recovered, with this incident the Metal boarding school became famous. In the Moeslim al-Hidayah Pondok Pesantren Metal there are many and various types of animals such as the safari park, including tigers which are fierce, but after being cared for by the kiai they immediately tame.
The students come from troubled people including crazy people up to 348 people, pranic pregnant women, old children, children who are addicted to drugs and children whose mothers abandoned them because of illegitimacy (Arif & bin Abd Aziz, 2022). The therapy used to treat those with mental disorders is by giving them a bath, cutting their hair and nails and then giving young coconuts that have been recited a prayer and then being told to drink the crazy students regularly for up to two weeks or until they experience changes that gradually improve, complete recovery. Likewise students who are addicted to drugs also get the same therapy. After they recover they are taught to pray, recite the Koran and study religious knowledge. Women who become pregnant out of wedlock will receive the same treatment, be taught the Koran, pray, and religious knowledge while continuing to care for their children. For children who were abandoned due to free sex, KH Abubakar Khalil called for normal students to be cared for, until childhood, while teaching them to learn to recite the Koran and learn to pray onward.
Picture 2. Students with mental disorders.
KH Abu Bakar Khalil's leadership did not last long because of diabetes and died on March 30 2015. The caretaker of the Pondok Pesantren Metal was replaced by KH Nur Cholis until now. The number of drug students is 7 children of students with mental disorders, 3 souls, and 124 children who do not have a father or mother. Handling them internally is like being asked to think and pray, and recite the Koran and religious knowledge. In dhohiriyah manner invited to do activities, sports and taught to give attention and care for students who are still babies as a result of free sex which they accommodate until they reach the age of children. Their changes after receiving treatment both spiritually and dhohir by Islamic boarding school kiai and Ustad Metal, they can pray 5 times a day and socialize well. They don't know what family is, they know that the santri who care for them are their brothers and kiai and aunt are their parents (Barlow & Stewart-Brown, 2001). They are students of the Pondok Pesantren Metal, especially children who don't have parents. After growing up, they recite the Koran intensely and some memorize several short letters, starting with Surah an-Naba'. From the data above it shows that metal students, even without biological parents, are able to behave in accordance with social and Islamic demands, and are able to socialize. , playing acceptable social roles, and the development of social traits. According to Hurlock, their social development has been good, because apart from being able to survive and being able to adapt themselves to other students, and being able to pray and recite the Koran, they are able to position themselves well among students and other students (Prayitno, 2019). This is evident from his efforts to memorize letters. Short Surahs of the Qur'an.

Picture 4. Drug-addicted children who pray in congregation
The implication of Hurlock's theory which states that parents are the first element that supports the successful development of children's social emotions (Wells dkk., 2013), it turns out that the results of this study show different things, namely that families are actually not fixated on biological families, but people who are able to provide a feeling of security in a stable group, are able to rely on them in fulfilling their needs. their needs, a source of love and acceptance, which is not affected by what they do, guides teaching social behavior that is approved, able to help solve the problems faced by each child in adjusting to life, so as to achieve success in social life, accept aspirations, develop talents and ability. able to be friends.

CONCLUSION
Islamic boarding school students, especially children born out of wedlock and using drugs, are able to behave according to social demands. Become a person who is able to socialize (socialized) in Islamic boarding schools. Among them are learning socially acceptable behavior, playing acceptable social roles, and developing social traits such as helping fellow students. They can be said to have good social development, (a) are able to survive in the pesantren and socialize with fellow students under the guidance of the ustad and kiai. (b) they can adapt to every student in the pesantren. (c) they are able to adapt well, children show a pleasant attitude towards other people, want to participate and can carry out their role well as Santri (d) There is a sense of satisfaction and happiness because they can take part in group activities or in relation to Metal boarding school friends. This research may still be far from perfect due to several things such as having limitations in the limited number of samples and not touching all levels of society, as well as the economic background of the families of children abandoned by their parents. Apart from that, another limitation of this research is the research method which only uses one research approach. Based on the description of the limitations of this research, the researcher suggests that in the future conduct research with a wider scope, so that it is expected to be able to get different results so as to add to the body of knowledge in research with similar themes and use different research methods such as using a quantitative approach or a quantitative approach. mixed method.